Banshee Chapter (B-)

You'll never drop acid again.

What do you get when you cross a tenacious reporter, a government conspiracy, a Hunter S. Thompson wannabe, and references to HP Lovecraft?

Banshee Chapter is a film I'd scrolled past on Netflix any number of times. However, when I saw it advertised by Arkham Bazaar, a shop that sells Lovecraftian memorabilia, I decided to give it a shot. It's a low budget movie that is a little rough around the edges, but it kept me wanting to know what surprises were in store for me at the film's end.

Katia Winter portrays Anne Roland, a reporter investigating the mysterious disappearance of her friend, James Hirsch (Michael McMillian). James had been researching a secret government program called MKUltra, which utilized experimental drugs on unsuspecting test subjects in an attempt to control human behavior. The drug in question, dimethyltryptamine-19 (or DMT-19) is a powerful hallucinogen with mysterious properties and effects.

Prior to his disappearance, James acquired a dose of DMT-19 from a mysterious source and ingested it while being video-recorded by his friend, Renny (Alex Gianopoulos). During the video, James takes the drug and begins to behave strangely as Renny continues to record. In the end, James disappears and Renny is questioned by police in regards to his missing friend. A few days later, Renny also vanishes without a trace.

James prepares to ingest some DMT-19 for posterity.

Anne investigates James' house, where his experiment took place. She locates clues, including an old VHS tape that contains recordings from MKUltra experiments utilizing DMT-19. She also locates a note that was sent to James along with the drug which is signed by his "Friends in Colorado." It turns out that the signature relates to a Hunter S. Thompson-like author by the name of Thomas Blackburn (Ted Levine).

Though rebuffed by Blackburn when she attempts to contact him by phone, Anne isn't so easily dissuaded. She lies to gain his trust and is later invited back to his home for a party with his chemist friend Callie (Jenny Gabrielle) who (incidentally) can make DMT-19. Blackburn proves to be too smart for Anne's act and turns the tables on her, so to speak.

"It puts the hallucinogen in the shot glass."

After a few freaky things happen at Blackburn's place, Callie disappears and Anne and Blackburn go to locate her. Along the way, more freaky things happen. Blackburn brings up the subject of Lovecraft's story, From Beyond, and his wild theories about what DMT-19 actually does. By the end of the film his theories are proven out, and Anne is definitely made into a believer.

Though it can be slow at times, I found Banshee Chapter to be enjoyable. Snippets of footage from the MKUltra experiments are seeded between the action, and these are tense and somewhat freaky. Though the real scares are few and far between (and consist mostly of surprise "gotchas!"), there is an underlying unease that pervades the entire movie. The film's connection (however tenuous) to actual events and government experiments also adds to the tension.

Anne and Blackburn keep in touch as she does the hard work.

Overall, the acting in Banshee Chapter is fine. Ted Levine (who you might remember as Jame "Buffalo Bill" Gumb in Silence of the Lambs) steals the show with his portrayal of the eccentric and drugged-out Thomas Blackburn, and Katia Winter does an admirable job as Anne. The sets chosen for the film ground the action well and very little seems out of place.

The cinematography is a little rough at times, but I think this was intentional. Much of Banshee Chapter looks to have been filmed by hand, so it feels like a found-footage movie (except for the fact that it obviously isn't). As mentioned, recordings from the actual MKUltra experiments are sprinkled throughout the movie, and there are some actual news recordings for good measure that prop up the film's premise.

Patient 14 (Monique Candelaria) gets her injection.

If you enjoy cerebral horror movies and aren't concerned by a film that takes time to get rolling, you'll probably enjoy Banshee Chapter. Then again, it might bore you to tears. I, for one, enjoyed it and found it to be a fresh offering from a relatively unknown director (Banshee Chapter is the directorial debut of Blair Erickson). For its low budget ($950k) and short filming time (only 28 days), it does what it sets out to do and does it well. I'm interested to see what Erickson has in store for us next.

Dead Silence (C-)

"You scream, you die."

A movie with ghosts and ventriloquist dummies? How can such a thing be bad? Dead Silence, a film by James Wan, has been soundly panned by reviewers and currently holds a 21% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. All in all, it wasn't as horrible as I thought it would be. I don't think everyone is going to like this movie, but as long as you know what you're getting into, you may walk away pleased.

The first thing that bugged me was the film's presentation. It's a bit in your face and campy, seemingly on purpose. While this was an initial stumbling block for my enjoyment of Dead Silence, the longer I watched it the more it reminded me of an episode of Tales from the Crypt. It's that kind of campy, that kind of cheesy, that kind of over-the-top. And if you enjoyed Tales from the Crypt and accept that Dead Silence is like a very long episode from that beloved show, the more you'll enjoy it.

Dead Silence follows the story of Jamie Ashen (Ryan Kwanten), a rich kid with daddy issues. Jamie and his wife, Lisa (Laura Regan), receive a mysterious package one evening. Opening the package, they find a ventriloquist dummy inside. Lisa recalls a famous ventriloquist, and comments on an old nursery rhyme that she remembers from her youth: "Beware the stare of Mary Shaw, She had no children, only dolls. If you see her in your dreams, make sure you never ever scream."

Lisa has some fun with Billy at Jamie's expense.

After puzzling over the dummy, Jamie leaves to buy some take-out Chinese food while Lisa plays around with the dummy. Things get strangely silent in the apartment, and Lisa suffers at the hands of some malignant, unseen force. When Jamie returns home with dinner, he discovers that Lisa has been killed, her tongue torn from her mouth. The dummy, who we come to know as Billy, is laying on the floor in their bedroom.

The cops come and take Lisa's body away, and Jamie ends up in the office of homicide cop Detective Lipton (genre veteran Donnie Wahlberg). Though Lipton has no evidence proving Jamie's complicity in the crime, he seems self-assured that it's only a matter of time until he digs it up. Jamie spouts some nonsense about the dummy, which only makes Lipton think Jamie's crazy.

Detective Lipton's interrogation techniques are revolutionary.

Jamie leaves for his home town of Raven's Fair, a curiously dead little burg in the middle of nowhere. As it happens, Raven's Fair is where the late Mary Shaw--the famous ventriloquist--lived. He intends to bury his wife there, and drops by his father's house to ask a few questions. In the process, Jamie meets his father's latest wife, Ella (Amber Valletta), and has a heated discussion with his father, Edward (Bob Gunton), who's recently suffered from a stroke.

Learning nothing of interest from his father and step-mother concerning Mary Shaw, Jamie goes about the business of arranging for his late wife's funeral. Things get creepy with the dummy, and Detective Lipton shows up to throw a monkey wrench into Jamie's plans. As time goes on, more is revealed about Mary Shaw, her ventriloquist dummies, and the horrible secret that Edward Ashen has kept from his son all these years.

What a bunch of dummies!

As I said, the film is somewhat campy, but if viewed in a particular light, it lives up to the campiness quite well. The actors' performances are hit and miss, but no one is particularly terrible in their role. If anything, the hammy acting (in some cases) befits the whole Tales from the Crypt vibe the movie gives off. The best performance in Dead Silence is given by Donnie Wahlberg, who becomes Jamie's unwitting ally towards the movie's end.

The cinematography is somewhat overdone, with transitions occasionally involving images of maps which zoom in to the action from above. Likewise, the music can get pretty bombastic. The special effects, outside of the use of fog machines, are competent, and the ventriloquist dummies are actually pretty darn creepy. The storyline itself is somewhat cliched, as is the twist at the end, but I thought it was fun nonetheless.

As far as scares, the campy nature of the movie makes it hard to take it too seriously. That said, there are some suspenseful moments, and the sound and visual effects that take place at these times lend themselves well to the content. It's a movie made in the style of a bygone era, and it's not particularly ashamed of it, either.

Billy's antics sure do turn a lot of heads. His included.

Should you queue up Dead Silence? If you're not expecting a serious or particularly deep horror experience, and especially if you remember Tales from the Crypt with any amount of fondness, you should give Dead Silence a chance. If you're not interested in camp, cheese, and corn, you may as well avoid it altogether. I leave the decision up to you.

Preview: Extraterrestrial

I've been watching a few of these alien abduction-type movies lately, and I've always liked those sorts of flicks. Heck, one of my favorite movies growing up was the original War of the Worlds. This November, a film titled Extraterrestrial is coming out in theaters. From the looks of the preview, I think I want to see it. Check it out.

There's no telling from a preview if a movie is going to be good or bad. I sort of expect them all to stink until I've seen them. With Extraterrestrial, I'm cautiously optimistic. Plus: Michael Ironsides!

Blood Glacier (C)

"Terror has evolved."

Blood Glacier isn't exactly a flawless movie, but it was certainly earnest in its attempt to be both topical and different. An Austrian film, I caught it on NetFlix last night and watched it in two sittings. One of the issues I had going in was that the movie was dubbed in English and there wasn't a German-language version that I could watch instead. Despite this, I decided to stick with the film.

The movie begins with the simple idea that global warming is real, it's worse than we imagined, and all the antarctic ice would have melted within 10 years (of 2014), irreparably changing the world and the people and animals that live there.

A team of researchers and their technician, Janek (Gerhard Liebmann), are manning a small post in the Austrian Alps where they monitor the climate, collect rocks, drill for ice samples, and the like. The researchers--Birte (Hille Beseler), Falk (Peter Knaack), and Harald (Felix Romer)--seem to be, respectively, a biologist, a mineralogist, and a... well, I'm not quite sure what Harald's specialty was. Janek is a bit eccentric, and has lived at the post for going on five years along with his dog, Tinnie (Santos). The researchers don't seem to care for him too much, as he's a loner and is pretty rough around the edges. They tolerate him, though, since he's so familiar with the surrounding area and can keep the place running.

Janec, Tinnie, and Falk hike out to a nearby glacier to collect rocks. When they arrive, they find the glacier dripping with a red fluid, very much the color of blood (very much like this, only bigger). Neither has seen anything like this before, and Falk gets to work collecting some samples while Janec busies himself in a small research shack/shed. Tinnie disappears into a cave beneath the glacier and encounters a very sick fox. Something emerges from the fox and injures Tinnie. Seeing the remains of the fox, Janec assumes it was rabid and had attacked his dog.

At least they didn't have to dub the dog's dialogue.

After dressing Tinnie's wound, they return to the outpost and Birte starts to go over the samples Falk collected from the glacier. She's unable to classify the single-celled organisms in the sample, but she seems to have plenty of theories. After passing out outside, Janec awakes and hears something in the garbage near his shack. He investigates and discovers a nasty creature--seemingly part bug, part fox--which gets away as he runs for the shelter of the research shack. He figures it must've been the same rabid fox that hurt Tinnie.

To add a twist to the proceedings, a government official, Ministerin Bodicek (Brigitte Kren), is scheduled to visit the outpost, mostly as a PR move. The researchers are keen to make a good impression on her, likely because they want to maintain funding for the project. Given the critters running around, Janec thinks having an important visitor stop by is a really bad decision. Of course, no one listens to him.

As the researchers start to get a better idea of what they're dealing with--a microorganism that causes host animals to mutate--Janec's negative feelings on the matter of the visit intensify. Unfortunately, the researchers are dead set on having the minister show up. Not only that, but they intend to hide evidence of their discovery until they can learn more about it.

Yes, dear reader. That's a giant pill bug. And it's mean.

Along with Ministerin Bodicek is a small retinue, including Bert Krakauer (Wolfgang Pampel, who I assumed was her husband or significant other), her bodyguard, Luka (Murathan Muslu), as well as a photographer, Urs (Michael Fuith) and his banana-eating assistant (or main squeeze), Irene (Adina Vetter). Accompanying the minister and her retinue as a guide is Tanja (Edita Malovcic), who turns out to be Janec's ex-girlfriend. By the time Bodicek and what's left of her retinue make it to the outpost, all hell has broken loose.

I didn't predict the little twist at the end of the film. I expected something similar to happen, but not in the same way that it actually took place. Given the metaphysics of the movie, it made perfect sense once the pieces came together.

The special effects--especially the majority of the creature effects--are laughable. I caught myself cackling whenever a new mutated critter was introduced into the mix. That said, I think pretty much every mutated beast was created with practical effects, which I have a real soft spot for. I'm pretty sure stop-motion was used in a few scenes, too, which in and of itself is unusual in this day and age. There may have been some CGI, but it's not nearly as obvious or common as it is in most of today's genre films.

Tanja and Janec, star-crossed lovers.

The acting might have been bad, or it might have been good. I can't really make a decision about the acting, except to say that the voice actors who dubbed the English lines were pretty horrible. The actual actors seemed to hold character well, but without a voice to go with the physical performances, I can't really say for sure if they were good or bad.

The cinematography was okay. There are some really impressive (and beautiful) panoramic shots in the film, but a lot of the close-up work, while effective, seemed pretty amateurish. The score that went along with the movie was mostly subdued, but occasionally veered off into a sort of exaggerated overdrive. One thing I did enjoy was the opening credit sequence, which is part of the reason I stuck with the movie in the first place.

Was Blood Glacier scary? Well... let me be honest. Once I saw the critters on the screen, any sense of nervousness I might have had went out the window. Some of the make-up effects were gross, sure, but gross things don't generally scare me. In some respects, it was like watching Peter Jackson's Dead Alive (aka, Brain Dead). How can anyone be scared of that sort of stuff? That said, there are still a few tense moments, and I felt genuine sympathy for Janec and his dog on a couple of occasions.

This is one mosquito you probably want to avoid.

Did I enjoy Blood Glacier? Yes, in spite of myself and against my better judgment, I did. I have to put this movie in the same category as Frankenstein's Army--it's enjoyable (if you can get past the horrible dubbing), but most of the scares are either quick shocks or gross-outs. It was obviously influenced by John Carpenter's The Thing, but it misses the mark a little bit. If you're looking for a popcorn movie that doesn't seem to take itself too seriously and don't care if the monsters look like something out of a kid's home movie, you should check it out.

I'd like to watch this movie in the original German with subtitles just to see if all the translations were accurate or representative of what was going on. I'm not sure if that will happen, but if it does I'll have to update this review.

Oculus (C+)

"You'll see what it wants you to see."

Oculus is a story about an evil mirror that drains lives and drives people mad. The tale is told through flashbacks which are interspersed seamlessly (and occasionally simultaneously) with the film's modern day component. When they were children, Tim and Kaylie Russel (Garrett Ryan and Annalise Basso) survived a murder attempt by their deranged father (Rory Cochrane). As the story goes, Tim shot and killed his father, saving both his and Kaylie's life. Their mother (Katee Sackhoff) had already been abused and killed by their father, leaving the two of them as orphans.

Following the death of their parents, Tim was sent to a psychiatric hospital to recover while Kaylie was apparently allowed to grow up in the outside world (I assume she lived with relatives or foster parents, but this point isn't real clear). Through treatment, Tim comes to realize that all the supernatural events he and his sister experienced were his own psychological response to the trauma of his father going crazy and killing his mother.

The movie picks up when Tim is released from the hospital eleven years later, having been determined sane. The older Tim (Brenton Thwaites) is finally able to see Kaylie (now played by Karen Gillan), and it's soon revealed that she firmly believes that the antique mirror in her father's study drove him to kill his wife and children. The siblings had promised one another that when they were older, they would destroy the mirror together. Given Tim's belief that the events were all in his head, he's not so easily convinced.

Aside from the dying and going crazy part, it is a pretty nice mirror.

Kaylie, who works for an auction house that has sold the mirror to a bidder, manages to take it back to their childhood home. She intends to prove that the mirror possesses terrible powers before destroying it. She argues at length with Tim, who staunchly refuses to believe her side of the story. That is, until things start to get weird. Soon, the two of them aren't sure what is real as their past plays along beside their present.

Oculus tells a chilling story and it does it well. Given the nature of the mirror and its powers, the viewer is never sure what is real and what is illusion. It makes Tim and Kaylie see only what it wants them to, and they spend some time trying to outsmart it before it can get its proverbial hooks into them. It's often impossible to tell if what is happening on screen is real, or if it's merely what's happening in their minds.

Tim and Kaylie, ready to kick that mirror's reflective butt.

There's this part where Kaylie goes over all the painstaking research she's done in the years since her parents' deaths, proving (at least in her mind) that there's something incredibly deadly and evil about the mirror. Watching her go through each of the mirror's prior owners, as well as the horrible things that happened to them, establishes an interesting history. I almost wanted to see more about these poor people and what befell them, along with the mirror's origins, rather than continue watching a story about Tim and Kaylie. Maybe a sequel (prequel?) will be made that covers more of those details.

The production values and acting are top notch. The characters are believable, for the most part, and it's easy enough to blame any of their less-intelligent actions on the mirror. While this makes sense, it can occasionally feel like a cop out on the part of the filmmaker, and you begin to wonder if the siblings have any hope of success at all. The passage of time, both in flashbacks and in the modern setting, is fairly vague, too. There aren't many big surprises, but there are enough early on to keep things fresh.

The ghosts seem satisfied with Alan's choice of weapon.

As far as frights, I didn't find Oculus to be particularly scary. The ghosts, when they appear, are pretty creepy, and the mirror (practically a character all by itself) is, too. Aside from low-level unease, though, there's not much in the way of big scares or horrifying moments. Maybe I'm desensitized, but any dread you're liable to feel comes from the fact that you never quite know what's going to happen to Tim and Kaylie. The ending is fairly predictable, and when you see it coming you'll know exactly what I mean.

There isn't a lot of gore to be found in Oculus. If you have trouble with the idea of people eating glass and fragments of ceramic, however, you might find that things get a little bit uncomfortable from time to time. Otherwise, much of the violence is understated or implied. The make-up effects used are competent enough, and there's a good bit of non-obvious CGI, as well.

The kids, not the grown-ups, are really the stars of this movie.

Overall, I enjoyed the story of Oculus more than I enjoyed the film itself. I never felt particularly attached to the adult characters, but I don't feel this had anything to do with their performances. It was the child actors and the younger versions of Tim and Kaylie that I found myself caring about, but even then, I knew they'd have to survive so their older selves could come back for the final act.

In the end, I don't think Oculus deserves much more than a C+ on my scale (which is just above average and is nothing to be ashamed of, IMHO). It's worth watching if you're interested in a somewhat languid ghost story involving two attractive people being menaced by an evil antique mirror. The storytelling techniques, as I said, are effectively done. Though it might get confusing at times, it all ends up making sense to one degree or another right up to its weighty conclusion.

Almost Human (D+)

"An unspeakable terror has come home."

You'll have to forgive me, 'cause it's been a while since my last review. I haven't been watching many movies lately, but over the weekend I pledged to sit down to at least one would-be horror masterpiece. And here it is, dear reader. Are you ready for Almost Human?

Almost Human (the 2013 horror film, not the television series) is sort of a cross between an alien abduction film, an alien invasion movie, and a slasher flick. We never really get much idea who the abductors are, as the flashbacks we see in the film are pretty vague. For all I know it's not aliens at all, but some messed-up government agency that's behind the film's action. My impression is that it's extraterrestrial meanies pulling the strings, so that's what I'm going with.

On October 13th, 1987, in Patten, Maine, Seth Hampton (Graham Skipper) arrives at the home of his friend, Mark Fisher (Josh Ethier), in a state of panic. Seth rants about their mutual friend, Rob, and how he was taken away by a beam of light on the way to Mark's house. Amid all this commotion, Mark's girlfriend, Jen Craven (Vanessa Leigh), comes downstairs to see what all the fuss is about. As the lights flicker on and off, a high-pitched sound seemingly hypnotizes Mark. He leaves the house and is abducted by an alien power.

"He's baaaaaaack!"

Two years pass. In this time, Seth has been blamed for the disappearances of both Rob and Mark. As there was no proof of foul play, he was eventually released from custody. He experiences nightmares and frequent bloody noses, and he doesn't leave his house unless it's to go to his job at a hardware store. He awakens one morning from a nightmare, his nose bleeding. As Seth preps to leave for work one morning, he sees a television report on strange lights and power outages that took place the night before.

Seth decides to pay Jen a visit at the diner where she works. The two haven't seen each other since Mark vanished (there is never any mention of the Rob fellow who also disappeared), and Jen has moved in with her new fiance, Clyde (Anthony Amaral III). Despite the fact that it was Jen who told the police that Seth was responsible for Mark's disappearance, he doesn't really hold it against her as both their memories are fuzzy on the incident. When they talk, he tells her something weird is going on, and that bad things are going to happen.

It's like the Maine Chainsaw Massacre with aliens.

Out in the wilderness, two hunters (portrayed by Kristopher Avedisian and David Langill) come across Mark in the woods, drawn up in a fetal position and covered in slime. They try to help him, but he overpowers them in a lethal manner, steals their clothes, and goes on his merry way. This sets the rest of the film in motion, as Mark returns to his home in Patten and messily kills pretty much anyone that gets in his way. Once Jen and Seth get involved, all bets are off.

I went into Almost Human not knowing what to expect. Even so, I had moderate hopes for the movie. It revealed itself to be pretty rough around the edges. I suppose that's to be expected, as it's director Joe Begos's first feature film. Once the real violence begins, I began to have flashbacks to Peter Jackson's Bad Taste, with its excessive gore, fountains of blood, squishy sound effects, and slapstick attitude towards death. There's not much in the way of slapstick in Almost Human, though things are occasionally unintentionally funny.

Jen and Seth suffer through a really bad alien rock concert.

As far as the make-up effects are concerned, Almost Human's are all practical and competently done, if a bit overboard. One particular effect, which involves an alien rape scene, was disturbing in context, but somewhat silly in presentation. The crew took the gore and alien effects as far as they could, and if the acting were any better, such ostentatious blood and guts might even feel out of place.

Did I mention acting? The movie was likely made on a shoestring budget, so the talent in front of the camera could have been better. The actors try (too hard, sometimes), but most performances fall flat, especially on repeated viewings. No one actor outshines the others. I've seen worse performances, sure, but it's tough to take a movie seriously when you don't believe in the characters or develop any attachment to them as a result.

The cinematography was rough but not terrible. Transitions were well done, though there's occasionally a bit too much back and forth between characters. Flashback imagery is fuzzy, fast, and black and white, so even the general impressions I got were muddied.

Jen's got an axe, and believe me, she's not afraid to use it.

Was Almost Human scary? It was tense, on occasion. Aside from the occasional tension and copious gross-out gore, there wasn't much fright to be had. The score, by Andy Garfield, contributes to the aforementioned tension, and is one of the strongest things about the film. Though a bit heavy-handed at times, it's certainly tense and would lend itself well to a scary movie. Unfortunately, Almost Human isn't all that scary, but the musical queues definitely told my subconscious it was supposed to be.

At the end of the night, I have to say that Almost Human is a lackluster indie entry into the horror genre. It doesn't break any new ground, and it seemed to miss a number of opportunities. It might have even gone for the paranoid vibe of John Carpenter's The Thing if it had taken a different turn early on. Unfortunately, it ends up being a lukewarm film that I can't recommend unless you enjoy gory special effects.

They (C-)

Bring on the terror. Bring it.

I was poking around on NetFlix when I noticed They listed with the other horror movies. I couldn't remember if I'd seen it before. I put it on and realized that yes, I had seen it before, but I remembered next to nothing about it. I wracked my brain. It was familiar, but completely strange at the same time. Was the fact that I couldn't remember it a good thing, or a bad thing?

They is a film about Julia Lund (Laura Regan), a twenty-something psychology student coming up on graduation. She has an incredibly understanding boyfriend, Paul (Marc Blucas), and they seem to have a good thing going. She also has a childhood friend, Billy Parks (Jon Abrahams), who isn't so hot in the sanity department. Billy and Julia both experienced night terrors as children, and while Julia has moved on with her life into adulthood (or has she?), Billy is still tormented by his childhood memories and the nightmarish reality he experiences on a daily basis.

One evening, after a date with Paul, Julia receives a call from Billy and he begs her to meet him at a diner. She reluctantly agrees, leaving Paul behind so she can tend to her childhood pal's fragile emotional state. When she arrives, Billy blathers on about a number of dark things before ending his own life as Julia watches. This doesn't do much for Julia's mental state, and things begin to get strange for her, too. Unseen creatures begin to skitter in the shadows and she experiences a night terror at Paul's house--the first she's had since she was a little girl.

Paul is the most understanding boyfriend ever. Definitely a keeper.

At Billy's funeral, Julia meets two of his friends/roommates: Sam (Ethan Embry) and Terry (Dagmara Dominczyk). They, too, suffered from night terrors as children, and they both feel something is terribly wrong. Sam has Billy's diary, which he's been combing through for clues, but none of it seems to make any rational sense. Julia rebuffs them initially and denies that she's had any strange experiences, but as her own problems begin to multiply, she seeks Sam and Terry out for help or support. As the plot continues to unravel, we learn that the night terrors Julia, Billy, Sam, and Terry suffered as children have marked them, and one by one they succumb to the shapes in the shadows--the titular "They" of the film.

The ending will either leave you shaking your head or keeping your lights on at night.

The story presented in They isn't terrible, but it felt like there was something missing. The characters, especially those who are dealing with the prospect of shadowy monsters, don't do much to defend themselves. Perhaps they don't know (or remember) the monsters exist. Even so, if sticking your head into an air vent and seeing a scary shape skittering around doesn't get you to pull your head out of said vent, you deserve whatever happens to you.

Terry takes a swim. Bad idea.

The creature effects in They are interesting, but most of them are obviously done with choppy CGI. You rarely get a glimpse of the monsters in direct light, which isn't a bad thing, but when you do see them they don't seem particularly real. I don't necessarily want to have things spoiled by showing off the creatures too soon, but I would've loved to see more of them at appropriate times. The critters in Don't Be Afraid of the Dark were a lot more interesting and effectively scary than the ones we see (or don't see) in They.

There isn't a lot of gore--very little, actually--and most of it is implied. The cinematography isn't terrible, but there's a lot of darkness in the movie that sometimes makes things hard to see. The acting, for what it's worth, is just alright. Sometimes it feels like the cast isn't really into it, and sometimes they're right on the ball.

When all is said and done, They isn't a bad movie, but I can't help but feel it could have been a lot better. Despite Wes Craven's name being attached to the movie, it's far from the quality of many of his classics. There are some scares, certainly, but I didn't get as creeped out by it as I wanted to.

Alien Abduction (C+)

"Fear the lights." No, seriously.

Brown Mountain, North Carolina is a wonderful place to go camping. Given its isolation, it's also a pretty cool spot to build your very own Unabomber cabin. The down side is that it's popularity is linked to a phenomenon known as the "Brown Mountain Lights," which occasionally appear at night and are classified as UFOs. Local legend says that when the lights show up, people disappear.

Following Alien Abduction's introduction, which is a pastiche of "found" video footage, news stories, and interviews, the film begins to document the Morris family's camping trip to--you guessed it--Brown Mountain. The film is created by an autistic boy, Riley (Riley Polanski), who seems to use the camera as a way to connect with and interpret the world around him. I've heard of similar cases, so I had no reservations about the film's reasoning on this subject.

The rest of the family include's Riley's mom Katie (Katherine Sigismund), his dad Peter (Peter Holden), his older brother Corey (Corey Eid), and his older sister Jillian (Jillian Clare). They set out for Brown Mountain in high spirits with Peter's trusty GPS to guide them. They make camp, do some hiking, and sit around the campfire. It's pretty idyllic, and the kids don't even squabble appreciably.

That night in the kids' tent, Riley is unable to sleep. He attempts to awaken Corey who tells him to close his eyes. The boy hears or sees something that causes him to leave the tent, and Corey and Jillian follow. In the distance, they see some funky lights doing some really funky things, and Riley and Corey make sure to get it all on film. The next day, they tell Peter and Katie about the lights they saw. If it had been me, I would've awakened my parents at once, or at least shown them the video. Peter seems somewhat skeptical, but everyone shrugs it off.

The family leaves their campsite and continues on to the next one. In the process, Peter's GPS sends them in an odd direction. Given that he trusts the GPS implicitly, he doesn't question where it's sending him. Time passes and the windy road and the prospect of being lost begin to take their toll on Peter, who gets pretty cranky as a result. To make matters worse, he's low on gas. Rather than turn around and go back the way they came, he continues on in the hopes he can find a gas station. Tempers flare after a crow hits the car, but everyone makes up and they continue on.

"Hey! We're lost! Can we use your intergalactic communicator?"

The family gets nowhere fast, passing a mailbox and, eventually, a mural/cross on the side of the road. A few moments later they find themselves at the mouth of a tunnel through the mountain. This wouldn't be such a big deal if the tunnel wasn't blocked up with many, many cars, their doors open, hazard lights on, and their contents strewn all over the place. Even more bizarre is that there are no people around. While the girls see to the call of nature in the bushes somewhere, the boys walk into the tunnel to look for signs of life... and boy, do they find them.

From this point forward, the movie turns into a frenetic cat and mouse game between the family (or what remains of it) and the alien antagonists. Riley continues to film as they return to the mailbox they saw earlier and follow a makeshift driveway to a cabin. They're greeted by Sean (Jeff Bowser), a reclusive fellow whose three favorite things are his guns, his dog, and his privacy. Though initially hostile, Sean reluctantly lets the family take shelter with him. Of course, no one is safe, and the movie rolls on to its conclusion.

That's a lot more than four and twenty blackbirds. Pie, anyone?

Overall, I liked Alien Abduction. The actors are all pretty good, though Riley is a bit wooden (this might be attributable to his autism). When the family is together they seem to genuinely care about one another, and their interactions don't feel out of character. Even Sean, the reclusive redneck, is well-placed and well-acted. The only thing I had an "Oh, come on now... really?" reaction to was when Peter announces that the family is low on gas and continues to press on regardless. Who in their right mind goes camping with their family and doesn't make sure the gas tank is full?

For a found-footage film, the special effects are adequate. The aliens look good at a distance and in silhouette, but the brief close-ups we get of them are plastic and rubbery. There's one or two relatively disturbing effects, but these take place late in the film and aren't overwhelming (meaning, they're subtle and unexpected when they do occur). The cinematography is fine, and is occasionally layered with effects that suggest interference of some kind. This acts as a sort of hint that something bad's about to happen.

Plot-wise, Alien Abduction doesn't break any new ground, but it does tell a decent story and the characters' reactions to their predicaments aren't unrealistic. There isn't much that hasn't been done in the found footage horror genre these days, so I can forgive certain cliches and stereotypes as long as they're done well. There's the standard "running away" footage and scary encounter footage that you'd expect, but the motion-sickness inducing shakiness isn't too bad.

"Beam me up, E.T.!"

In a nutshell, Alien Abduction is worth watching if you enjoy found footage horror flicks. It's scary at times, creepy at others, and shocking once or twice. Still, there are a few stretches of in-between time where the characters are allowed to display who they are, but this isn't anything new. In other films with less well-developed characters, this is definitely more of an issue. With Alien Abduction, I feel that it works pretty well, and there's always another crisis just around the bend.

Patrick: Evil Awakens (D+)

Everyone should have a living will. Srsly.

The fact that Charles Dance was performing in Patrick: Evil Awakens was the prime reason I decided to take a gamble on the film. If you're familiar with Dance, you'll know he plays Tywin Lannister on Game of Thrones. He's been in some of my other favorites, such as the much-maligned Alien 3 and Last Action Hero (one of my very guilty pleasures). The guy's a great character actor, and his performance in Patrick: Evil Awakens is no less genuine than any other movie I've seen him in.

With all that out of the way, I have to admit that Patrick: Evil Awakens had me scratching my head. Did it want to be campy? Did it want to be serious? Was that thick layer of cheese intentional, or was it put there on accident by a production crew that didn't really know what they wanted to do? To his benefit, Dance plays the part of Doctor Roget completely straight, with no attempts at camp. As for the cheese, I'll give them the benefit of the doubt and assume it must have been intended.

The plot of Patrick: Evil Awakens revolves around Kathy Jacquard (Sharni Vinson), a nurse with a struggling marriage who applies for a job at a small psychiatric clinic that specializes in caring for brain dead patients. The physician who runs the facility, Doctor Roget (Dance), is supposedly performing cutting edge research to restore brain function in his patients. The other two employees are Matron Cassidy (Rachel Griffiths), who takes care of administrative duties and keeps the nurses in line, and the spunky Nurse Williams (Peta Sergeant), who befriends Kathy and shows her around town.

Doctor Roget's prize patient is the titular character, Patrick (Jackson Gallagher). Patrick's origins are a mystery to Kathy, though you can tell there's something going on behind the scenes between Patrick, Roget, and Matron Cassidy. Kathy, who's expected to assist Roget when he "treats" Patrick, becomes appalled at the methods the good doctor employs. She goes along with it until she finds she is able to communicate with Patrick, at first through a simple "once for 'no,' twice for 'yes'" system. Later, their method of conversing becomes somewhat more sophisticated... but you'll have to watch the movie to learn the details.

Kathy shares a moment (one of many) with Patrick.

Needless to say, Patrick is a lot more than he seems to be. As he grows more attached to Kathy, bad things begin to happen to anyone who is close to her. Matters get worse as time goes by, and Kathy is torn between her desire to leave her job or stay in an attempt to make sure Patrick is no longer subjected to Dr. Roget's experiments. The film is resolved in the occasionally tense climax, though the film's ending suggests that things aren't as clean cut as you might have been led to believe.

Overall, I wanted to like the movie. I nearly shut it off after the opening scene, as the cheese factor was somewhat elevated and I suspected the rest of the movie would be much the same. My thoughts turned to Charles Dance, however, and once he appeared on screen I decided to stick with it and give it a chance.

Perhaps my biggest complaint about the movie, outside of the cheese factor, was the score. The accompanying music was so loud, so overwrought, and so shrill at times, it made me cringe. There was nothing subtle about it. It was as if even the least-creepy revelations, when partnered with this cacophonous music, were supposed to scare me out of my wits. Not so, as annoyance trumps fright pretty much every single time.

Don't let Matron Cassidy catch you slacking off.

About the cheese I keep mentioning: It's there in droves. The thing is, Patrick: Evil Awakens isn't constantly cheesy or campy. Instead, it picks times to be cheesy that almost always feel inappropriate given the context. For instance, there's a part involving an individual and an elevator shaft, and it's a pretty tense moment. And then, WHAM! It's like someone's suddenly doused the movie with the contents of a fondue pot. I found myself laughing at some of this stuff, but not in a good way.

Despite the movie's flaws, the cast did a really good job. Dance plays an excellent villain, and I particularly enjoyed Peta Sergeant as the promiscuous Nurse Williams and Griffiths as Matron Cassidy. Most of the supporting cast is pretty good, too. There were some cringe-worthy moments, though, including one or two Vader "Nooooooooo!"'s. Those sorts of things always feel somewhat artificial to me, depending on how they're done.

As for effects, there's a good bit of practical gore mixed with some very obvious CGI set pieces. The quality of these effects is fine, but many of them are really over the top which only adds to the cheese factor.

Was it scary? Sort of, I guess. There are some creepy moments, and the setting--a hospital for brain dead patients who just sort of lie there and occasionally do things--contributes to these occasionally eerie sequences. The frights are often offset by camp, though, which (in my case) lessens the immersion for me, bringing me out of the movie and into the realm of, "Did that really happen?"

Better to pull the plug than wind up in Doctor Roget's clinic.

I'm conflicted about this one, make no mistakes about it. My gut wants to be brutal with my final rating, but my brain wants to give some credit for the things that Patrick: Evil Awakens got right. At the end of the day, I think I need to go with my gut on this one. Other viewers are certain to have different opinions, and that's totally fine. If cheesy horror is your cup of tea, you'll probably like Patrick: Evil Awakens. If you really like horrible horror scores, then this movie is pretty much solid gold. If you're interested in a more or less consistent fright film, though, you're probably better off watching something else.

Note: Patrick: Evil Awakens is a remake of another Australian film from 1978, Patrick (with no colon). The plot seems similar enough, but I wonder if the original is any better than the remake. It seems that remakes aren't just for American movie-makers these days.

Stevie (C)

Admit it. Imaginary friends are creepy.

Stevie is a movie I've passed over on NetFlix a number of times. I went into it expecting nothing and I came out having mostly enjoyed myself. Only now do I know that it was made for television, but I don't really mind. That's not exactly a negative in my opinion. It's a supernatural horror film with a decent atmosphere and a good cast. Though it does suffer from a couple of tired tropes (see below), and I saw the twist coming a mile away, I still liked it.

Claire (Catherine McCormack) and Adrian (Jordi Molla) are a childless married couple living in Spain--at least, I think so. They met in Los Angeles at a time when Claire's architectural career was really taking off, but something happened that caused them to move to what I can only assume is Adrian's birthplace given the nearby presence of his mother and sister, as well as all the Spanish accents. Adrian's mother has recently lost her husband, and she seems to be something of a bitter woman who clashes with Claire whenever they're in the same room together.

Though it's never really spelled out, one gets the impression that Claire can't have children, so she and Adrian decide to adopt an eight year-old girl, Isabel (Ida Jorgensen), through a social worker. Adrian's mother proves to be appalled by this decision, but her son remains steadfast in he and Claire's decision. Isabel proves to be a sweet child who has spent some time in an orphanage following the deaths of her parents. She takes to her new guardians well at first, but as the movie progresses, things begin to turn sour.

Supportive husband or bloodthirsty bounty hunter?

Isabel claims that a fourth person is living in the house with them, someone named Stevie. Adrian and Claire assume that Stevie is Isabel's imaginary friend and think nothing more of it. That is, until Claire begins to experience strange happenings that Isabel attributes to Stevie.

Adrian, who is now busy growing his own career, tries to be supportive, but he's torn between work and his family. He begins to suspect Claire is having mental problems, feeding off of Isabel's childish delusions (this is one of the tropes I spoke of earlier).

The mystery continues to unravel through a series of flashbacks to the couple's time in Los Angeles. Each flashback starts out in black and white and slowly transitions into full color, which makes them easy to spot once you get used to them. I won't give the details away, but suffice it to say the pieces begin to fall together fairly early, and observant viewers should be able to pick up on the subtext pretty early on. I think the climax could have been better, but it serves its purpose well enough.

The cast of Stevie is good, and they handle their roles well. Ida Jorgensen is young, and this appears to be her first (and last) role. Though she does well enough most of the time, her inexperience is occasionally apparent. If you can get past that, you won't have much trouble with the rest of the film.

"I'll put the girl's head in this box! Oh... wrong movie."

I enjoyed Jordi Molla's acting (you may recognize him as Santana in the third Riddick movie), especially considering he's playing a loving husband as opposed to a space merc scumbag. Talk about night and day.

At the end of the day, I don't regret watching Stevie. As I said, it does get pretty creepy at times, though it might have been better with a little more supernatural weirdness sprinkled in. It's an average film, and though I called the twist early on, it's a twist I've never seen done before in other movies. If you're hungry for another ghost flick, you might enjoy it so long as you keep your expectations in check.

The Last Days on Mars (B-)

"The search for life is about to end."

The Last Days on Mars is one of those rare movies that I might consider purchasing on Blu-ray. Though it seems that plenty of people have a lot of bad things to say about the film, I, for one, was pleasantly surprised by it. It may not be the most original movie ever produced, but it was competently filmed, the special effects were good, and the cast--at least in my opinion--was excellent. Of course, this sort of thing tends to happen when I go into a movie blind with nothing in the way of expectations, so... there's that.

A manned mission to Mars is nearing the end of its six months on the red planet with very little to show for it. The film begins with two astronauts, Vincent Campbell (Liev Schreiber) and Rebecca Lane (Romola Garai), picking up a third, Kim Aldrich (Olivia Williams), at her research site. Kim's lack of discovery enhances her normally acerbic demeanor, and she reluctantly returns to base with her two comrades. No one seems to like her very much, which isn't surprising given her bad attitude.

After the three return to base, Marko Petrovic (Goran Kostic) convinces the mission's leader, Charles Brunel (Elias Koteas), to allow him to return to his own research site to fix a damaged sensor. Brunel reluctantly agrees and sends Richard Harrington (Tom Cullen) along with him. This angers Kim, as she was forced to leave her research behind and return to base. She accesses Marko's terminal despite the protests of Lauren Dalby (Yusra Warsama) and discovers the real reason he was so hot to get back to his site.

"Marko did what? Man, that guy is such a jerk."

It is revealed that Marko has discovered some kind of bacteria, and despite his story about the sensors, was secretly returning to get a sample. By the time Brunel calls Marko and Harrington to put the kibosh on things, the sample is already being collected. Even as he holds the sample aloft in victory, the ground beneath Marko gives way and he falls into a pit, presumably dying in the process. Brunel and Dalby show up to help Harrington, but without the proper gear they're unable to climb down into the pit to retrieve the body.

Brunel leaves Dalby to watch over the site while he and Harrington return to base. By the time he returns to the site with Campbell, Lane, and the mission psychologist, Robert Irwin (Johnny Harris), in tow, there is no sign of either Dalby or Marko to be found. Though Campbell is lowered into the pit, all he finds is a strange, fungus-like mass growing at the bottom.

If this synopsis seems overly granular so far, I agree with you--there are a lot of characters to keep track of in a short amount of time. Once Campbell explores the pit, though, all hell breaks loose back at base, as Marko and Dalby have returned on foot. The two have been infected by the Martian bacteria, and it's turned them both into extremely violent space zombies.

"Pack your bags. We're leaving soon unless zombies attack."

From this point on, The Last Days on Mars is more or less a traditional zombie flick, albeit set on Mars. Stark differences from the norm are that environmental issues are definitely a factor, and there seem to be no weapons of any consequence available to the astronauts. The survivors try to stave off the zombies repeatedly without much success. As for the zombies, they're intelligent and apparently capable of using their hosts' memories and knowledge to overcome their intended prey. They're also very durable, fast, and nothing seems to slow them down (though they are all somewhat unsteady on their feet).

The movie careens towards its conclusion, with the ultimate finish being left up to the viewer's imagination--thought not in a bad way. There should be enough closure here to satisfy most people. I could see it going either way, honestly.

The Last Days on Mars's budget was apparently very low at 7 million pounds (approximately $11.8 million), but it wasn't obvious to me. The sets, props, and effects were well-done, in my opinion. I felt it was more entertaining than Europa Report (which I haven't reviewed yet). Liev Schreiber impressed me with his characterization of Campbell. He doesn't play a superman, but rather an ordinary guy with genuine flaws and emotions. I've always been a fan of Elias Koteas, and I really enjoyed Olivia Williams' performance (and I would've liked to have seen more of her on screen).

Dalby, post-infection. She just wants to be friends.

Though we don't get much chance to get to know some of the other cast members, most of them felt like real people to me. The exceptions here are Marko, who comes off as a rather shallow and egotistical jerk, and Dalby, who doesn't really get much screen time before she's transformed into a bloodthirsty space critter. Despite this, I think that first-time director Ruairi Robinson does a lot with very little at his disposal.

So the credits have rolled and The Last Days on Mars is behind me. Was it a completely original story? No, of course not. Did I like it anyway? Yes, I did. It's currently available on NetFlix, and at just 98 minutes long, you have very little to lose by giving it a chance... unless you're not a fan of zombie flicks. And in the end, no matter what you think, you can be thankful it isn't Apollo 18.