Apartment 1303 (C-)

Apartment 1303 is a ghost story. At least, it's supposed to be. I'm watching it on Amazon right now, and I'm about fifty-two minutes into it. I'm also up way past my bedtime, but it's Friday night on Memorial Day weekend.

Huh. I just discovered it's a remake of a Japanese film of the same name. Typical. But where classic Asian-to-American remakes like The Ring come through relatively well, this one probably should've stayed Japanese. Now I'll need to track down the original and hope it's better than the remake. I can't possibly see how it could be worse.

Anyway, back to the movie. The opening credits were probably the most promising thing about the film. They were moody and relatively well-done, but if I wanted to watch an opening credit sequence, I'd put Se7en on the DVD player and loop the beginning.

Once the actors (and I use that word lightly) show up on screen, though, it gets really tedious. I know they can probably act, but damn if they're not having a lot of trouble getting into character. The performances range from flat to overdone, with no happy medium to be seen. After last night's movie, though, I suppose the acting could be worse (remind me to put up a post about Death of a Ghost Hunter sometime).

Mischa Barton is Lara Slate. Her sister, Janet (played by Julianne Michelle), moves out of their mother's house and signs a lease for a 13th floor apartment without first seeing the place. The girls' mother, Maddie (played by Rebecca De Mornay), is a once-popular musician with an alcoholic streak (and the source of much of the terrible overacting I was talking about). With De Mornay's maturity and prior career, you'd think she'd be the best of the bunch... but it's not the case. I can only assume they brought her on board to lend the film's cast some credibility.

Of course, the apartment is haunted, and the spooks don't wait long before they're using dubious special effect to toss Janet around like a rag doll. Through a series of spiritual events, Janet ends up plummeting to her death and Lara moves into the apartment, both to get away from her mother and (seemingly) to find out what happened to her sister.

Between the three lovely ladies I've mentioned, we also have Emily (the creepy little girl next door), Mark (Janet's undercover cop boyfriend), and O'Neil (the perverted superintendent). Cory Sevier, the hunky guy who plays Mark, is probably the best actor in the film, but it's obvious that even he's struggling to pinch out a convincing role.

Acting aside, there's a fairly good nugget of story in there somewhere. I think. The special effects are mediocre, and the frights aren't really all that frightening. When the ghosts show up, they're either tossing people around, hissing at them, standing behind them in mirrors, or sitting in sinks (yes, really). The action is largely predictable, too, though there was a teeny tiny twist I didn't see coming. I'd love to spoil it for you, but even I'm not that large of a jerk.

As far as endings go, this one stops rather abruptly. I won't complain, but I expected a climax of sorts, even a poorly-acted one. The ending of Apartment 1303 isn't so much a climax as a sigh. A sigh of relief, maybe? Well, that's up to the viewer, I guess. Overall... this one's a stinker. Watch at your own risk, but remember--you'll never get this eighty-five minutes of your life back.